Chapter 5
Copyright J.B. Norman
Dunstana drags Myra along by the arm.
“It’s Salvage Thursday! That’s the best Thursday! One time, Beasley beat up a bunch of guys with another guy.”
“Well, if I’m mentoring you, that means I get first pick of the salvage,” Myra says.
“I’m not running a charity here.”
“I thought the Mentorship Program was supposed to be a volunteer thing,” Dunstana replies.
“What kind of pirate agrees to do anything without getting paid?” Myra exclaims.
“I’m especially not not getting paid for this!”
“Yeah, okay. Cool, cool, cool,” Dunstana says, still dragging Myra along. “Let’s go! This is going to be so much fun, Mona!”
Myra groans and looks down at the younger pirate. “Are you still mad about something I did on Oake Island? You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
“Doing what?” Dunstana asks, blinking innocently up at the older pirate.
“Ugh,” Myra groans.
“So anyway,” Dunstana says, turning her attention back to dragging Myra along after her, “we were boarding this ship from Middlemere, because they had salvaged this carpet that we all thought would look great in Carter’s rumpus room.”
“What’s a rumpus room?” Myra asks.
“No idea. I wonder if it’s spicy,” Dunstana answers, “But anyway, so we had to fight – which is, like, the best part of Salvage Thursday! And, well, I’d just finished kicking the heck out a guy’s shins and I look over and Beasley’s got this dude by the collar and she starts just smacking other people with, um, him. It. Was. Awesome.”
As Myra and Dunstana make their way through Porthaven’s Dock District, the two are stopped by an old woman who looks like Everyone’s Grandma.
“Oh,” the old woman says to Myra. “What a lovely daughter you have! And look, even your outfits match! She must be a lucky girl to have such an attentive mother.”
The colour drains from Myra’s face.“Wait,” she mutters, gaping at the old woman. “What? Oh, Valhas’ sanctified sweat socks, no! No, no, no!”
“I, uh, I don’t think the gods even wear socks,” Dunstana mutters. “All the statues and paintings and stuff I’ve seen have them wearing sandals.”
“Oh no, this simply won’t do!” the old woman says, turning to Dunstana. “Your mother’s become so pale. I do believe she’s in the throes of an episode of Fitzmorton’s Pallor. Get her some leeches and a nice salt bath right away, young lady.”
“Uh… okay?” Dunstana answers.
She waves as the old woman continues on her way before turning back to Myra, who is now hyperventilating and leaning against a lamppost for support.
“I think you’d be a cool mom, Myra,” Dunstana offers in consolation. “I’ve already got a mom, but, like, you’re probably in my top ten. Let’s see, well, there’s: Kat, Amara, Aunt Peri, Sally’s mom, Sally’s big sister, Falcata—”
“Not helping,” Myra says.
“Why are you mad now?” Dunstana asks. “I got your name right this time!”
“Do you ever just, you know, stop?” Myra asks.
“Pffft,” Dunstana scoffs. “Why would I do that? That sounds boring. Well, here’s my ship. Isn’t it great? I made my flag myself. I needed so much glitter glue to get the kitty-cat right.”
“Captain on deck!” Dunstana’s first mate Jimena calls as she steps aboard the ship.
“Hey, Jimena,” Dunstana says.
“Oh, sure,” the older pirate following close behind Dunstana mutters, shaking her head. “No problems with her name.”
“Jimena,” Dunstana says, gazing between the two older pirates. “This is—”
“Myra,” the older pirate says pre-emptively.
“She’s my mentor,” Dunstana continues without missing a beat. “We’re not sure what that actually means, but she’s gonna be coming with us to do, you know, mentory things. I think that mostly means she yells at me.”
“I have not yelled at you once!” Myra yells.
Dunstana blinks up at the older pirate. “So, anyway, this is Jimena Orceador, my first mate. Dad hired her for me. She’s No-Tongue Ximenez’s granddaughter. And…”
Dunstana stops suddenly as her attention is drawn elsewhere.
“Hey, you seagulls, get away from there!”
Dunstana scurries towards the gunwale, where several seagulls are congregated.
With Dunstana thus occupied, Jimena turns to Myra. She has her dark hair tied up in a sensible bun and is wearing an old Pelayan sailor’s uniform.
“Thank you for mentoring Captain Dunstana,” she says, stepping beside Myra.
“I’m sure she can learn a lot from you.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know about that,” Myra mutters as she watches Dunstana snatch up a mop and start swinging it at the birds.
“I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here!” Dunstana calls to the fleeing birds before turning and making her way back to the ship’s wheel. “Sorry about that. Seagulls, right? They’re just so annoying! They’re always just squawking and squawking and they’re so loud and they just don’t stop. It’s the worst!”
Myra opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out.
“By the way,” Dunstana continues, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. What does irony mean? That’s like when something is made out of metal, right?”
She shrugs, then looks up at Jimena and Myra. A broad grin breaks out across her face. “Hey!” she exclaims, pointing to their three outfits. “We all match! We’re red, even Jimena! And we didn’t even plan it like this!”
“Yay,” Myra mutters insincerely.
Dunstana steps up onto the box set up at the helm beside Jimena. “So, anyway, let’s get going. Porthaven Raiders, are you ready?” she asks her crew.
The pirates nod in agreement and set to work to cast off.
“Ugh, no,” Dunstana groans. “We’ve talked about this, guys. When I say Are you ready?, you’re supposed be, like, Hoorah! or Rarr, let’s do this! It’s not hard!”
“It was Williams’ fault, Captain.”
“Oh, Abrams, it was not!” Williams protests.
“We’re going to try this again, guys,” Dunstana says. She clears her throat and looks expectantly at her crew. “Porthaven Raiders,” she calls, “are you ready?”
“Hoorah!” half of the Raiders answer.
“Rarr, let’s do this!” the other half calls.
“Close enough,” Dunstana declares. “But, like, coordinate better next time, people.”
“It was Williams’ fault, Captain.”
“It was not!”
Chapter 4
Chapter 6
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