© J.B. Norman — Published by Emona Literary Services™
Kat isn’t usually one to dally around ancient evil castles, but given Tenebella’s habit to express her displeasure by calling down “ten thousand maledictions”, when she’d invited Kat to Castle Ansangaar, Kat didn’t have the heart, the courage, or the desire to be the target of ten thousand maledictions, to refuse.
She isn’t entirely clear on what a malediction even is, but ten thousand of them sounds like a lot.
So, here she is, touring an ancient evil castle at pretty much the farthest point of Realmgard from the familiar climes of Porthaven, as Tenebella eagerly shows off collection of “relics of long-dead races and antediluvian kingdoms that were drunk by the sea in bygone days” and rampaging hordes, well also doing her utmost to avoid showing off her mother — no small feat considering her mother’s tendency to walk into the room with orange juice and marshmallow squares.
“Mom!” Tenebella cries. “I am trying to bestow the blessings of the uncanny gods of the Sublunar Realm on Kat! You can’t just walk into my room like that!”
“Would you like a marshmallow square dear?” Tenebella’s mother asks Kat.
“Yes,” Kat answers.
“…I would also like a marshmallow square,” Tenebella murmurs.
Munching on a marshmallow square, Kat follows Tenebella into the castle’s courtyard.
“This,” Tenebella says, “is the pride of the Ansangaarian hordes — the Four Horsemen of Castle Ansangaar.”
“But there’s five of them,” Kat notes.
“Gwaedbran objects to being counted as a Horseman,” Tenebella explains.
“On the grounds that I am a woman,” the lone woman among the Horsemen notes.
“On the grounds that she is a woman,” Tenebella agrees.
“Makes sense,” Kat concedes.
“Allow me to introduce the Horsemen,” Tenebella says, pointing to each of them in turn. “They are led by Captain Ratsumies. I’ve already spoken of Gwaedbran. Next to her is Secutor. Then Dimachaerus. And, finally, we have Ralph.”
“Horsemen!” the leader of the group — a very large man in a horned helmet — calls.
“Hey-ho!” the others answer.
“Adopt the Pose of Attention!” the leader declares.
“Hey-ho!” the others answer, snapping upright to rigid attention.
“This,” Tenebella tells her five minions, “is Kat. Henceforth, she is my foremost lieutenant. You shall show her the same deference you would show me.”
“Horsemen!” the leader calls again.
“Hey-ho!” the others answer.
“Adopt the Pose of Inquiry!”
“Hey-ho!” the others answer, raising their hands and waiting for Tenebella to acknowledge them.
“Yes, Captain?” Tenebella asks.
“Shall we perform for the new lieutenant the Dance of Salutation?” he asks.
“That will not be necessary,” Tenebella says, a faint blush creeping into her pallid cheeks.
“Respectfully, my lady,” Captain Ratsumies says. “I feel compelled to adopt the Pose of Contrarianism and disagree. The Dance of Salutation is always necessary.”
The other Horsemen all speak in agreement.
“Shall I interpret my lady’s silence as assent?” Captain Ratsumies.
“Ugh,” Tenebella groans.
“Horsemen!” Captain Ratsumies calls.
“Hey-ho!” the others answer.
“Dance!” Captain Ratsumies bellows. “Of! Salutation!”
“Hey-ho!” the others answer, breaking into dance involving much waggling, flailing of limbs, and stomping.
“Are, uh,” Kat stammers, watching the bizarre and oddly-hypnotic spectacle unfolding before her, “are they always like this?”
“…Yes,” Tenebella mutters. “Gods of the Sublunar Realm, this could not be more embarrassing.”
“Tenebella, honey,” her mother calls, entering the courtyard. “I made another batch of marshmallow squares!”
More Realmgard Short Scenes here.
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