So, the good news is that today is a bit of a slow work day, which means it’s a better writing day, all things considered. So, here’s the month’s Daily Writing #2.
I’ve mentioned this before, but the first time I was reading the Dungeons & Dragons Fifth Edition Players’ Handbook, I misread the Gnome racial ability Speak with Small Beasts as “Speak with Small Bears” and was thoroughly confused for a minute
Long story short, “Talk to Small Bears” has become something of a running gag for me.
“Look out!” Pela cries. “A bear!”
She quickly climbs to safety on Falcata’s shoulders. Secure in the knowledge that she now has an Amazon warrior to hide behind, the Half-Goblin takes the time to squint down at the furry interloper.
“Or possibly a very large groundhog,” she notes.
“No, Miss Pela,” Tancred says. “That is most assuredly a bear. Though quite a small one, I must say.”
“I cannot believe I’m saying this,” Amara says, “but I think I have just the thing to help.”
She takes a spellbook from out of her pack and flips through until she reaches the page marked Talk to Small Bears.
“Now, my ursine friend,” Amara says, kneeling to face the bear. “Whatever is the matter?
“Oh, my good lady,” the bear exclaims. “How fortuitous that I should encounter not only a well-meaning human, but one capable of conversing with me! Heretofore, I have had much cause for consternation.”
“I see,” Amara says. “And what exactly is the nature of this consternation?”
“Why, horror of horrors, I have been forced out of my natural habitat!” the bear explains. “There I was, minding my own business, trying to climb a tree to get to the beehive up the branches — no easy feat for a small bear such as myself.”
“No, I would imagine not,” Amara says.
“When suddenly, who should come blundering into the forest than a group of human ne’er-do-wells!” the bear says. “Such boorish, gangly, strange-looking creatures.”
The bear sheepishly clears its throat.
“No offence intended, of course.”
“None taken,” Amara says.
“And, well, one thing led to another, and these humans start going to town, hacking down the trees!” the bear says.
“Logging is illegal in this part of the forest,” Amara muses. “That is quite distressing.”
“Indeed,” the bear agrees.
“Now, a bear such as myself can’t exactly offer emolument of the monetary sort,” the bear says. “But the other wildlife and I would be most grateful if you were to, say, give these criminals a right proper thrashing and send them packing from the forest.”
“I shall need a minute to confer with my associates,” Amara says.
She turns back to the other members of the Lyte Brigade.
“I’ll spare you the details, but our friend here is rather quite upset that a group of criminal lumberjacks have set up an illegal logging operation in the forest,” Amara explains. “And he’d rather like for us to drive them off.”
“What spell was that, Amara?” Nolan asks. “Something to talk with animals?”
“No,” Amara murmurs. “It’s, ah, Talk to Small Bears.”
“That’s oddly specific” Nolan asks. “Why do you have a spell that can do that?”
“It was a gift,” Amara answers. “Not a very good one, but still. Here we are. I suppose I’ll have to thank Katherine.”
The Small Bear gently tugs on the hem of Nolan’s vest and makes an inquisitive sound.
The others turn to Amara expectantly.
“He says he’s hungry,” Amara translates. “He’s wondering if you have any berries or salmon.”
Giving the bear a posh manner of speaking is kinda-sorta a reference to Baldur’s Gate 3, where most of the animals that are speak-to-able via Speak with Animals are surprisingly posh.
Follow me here for all the latest:
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
The author prohibits the use of content published on this website for the purposes of training Artificial Intelligence technologies, including but not limited to Large Language Models, without express written permission.
All stories published on this website are works of fiction. Characters are products of the author’s imagination and do not represent any individual, living or dead.
The realmgard.com Privacy Policy can be viewed here.
Realmgard is published by Emona Literary ServicesTM
