Now, Weird, Occult Store that May or May not Be There When the Characters Go Back is a pretty well-documented plot beat.
In fact, you’re probably thinking about the Evil Store from the third Simpsons Halloween Episode that also sells frogurt. This isn’t really a reference to that specifically, so much as a use of the general idea of a Weird, Occult Store.
Also, that this store also sells date squares isn’t a reference to the store from The Simpsons also selling frogurt. It’s a reference to a real, and as far as I can tell, Non-Evil antique store my family went to a few summers back, that also sold date squares.
They were quite good.
As the Four Horsemen of Castle Ansangaar dance the Dance of Vigilance just outside, Kat and Tenebella peruse the shelves of an antique shop that’s only a few blocks from Darkstone Manor, yet which Kat can never remember seeing before.
“What exactly do you sell here?” Kat asks the strange man in charge of the store. “And what blessings will I need to exorcise it?”
“I have travelled through the darkest corners of the world,” the shopkeep says, speaking through the pipe held between his teeth. “And have returned with mysteries for sale whose names have been forgotten by mortal men. Also, date squares.”
“So, like,” Kat asks, “when I walk by tomorrow, this store isn’t going to suddenly have vanished, right?”
She looks around cautiously, finding that a distressingly large number of the knick-knacks on the shelves are looking back at her.
“‘Cause that’s sort of the vibe I’m getting.”
The strange man chuckles.
“Yes,” the shopkeep says. “We get that a lot.”
“That’s not a no,” Kat mutters.
“I happen to be a collector of the strange and ancient,” Tenebella tells the shopkeep. “I’m looking for something say, oh, three World-Ages or older. Not necessarily antediluvian, but at least from an age undreamed of.”
“Right this way, my lady,” the shopkeep says, ushering Tenebella deeper into the shop. “Perhaps my lady will find something to her liking within the Box of Boxliness.”
“Boxliness?” Kat repeats incredulously.
The shopkeep shakes out his pipe.
“Name are hard,” he mutters quietly.
He reaches under a table and pulls out a large trunk held shut by multiple locks and chains. Kat can’t help but wonder what sort of ancient evil is going to be awoken when the shopkeep undoes the locks.
Nothing happens, not right away anyways, as the strange man opens the chest. Tenebella eagerly kneels in front of the chest and begins rummaging through it. She seems quite unimpressed by the oddities housed in the Box of Boxliness.
“No,” Tenebella says, setting aside a jar full of eyeballs.
She continues to dig through the chest.
“No.”
She sets aside a bug preserved in amber.
“No.”
A crystal ball with shapeless clouds moving just beneath the surface.
“No.”
A tunic that says I Quested to the Deepest Depths of the Nethermost Stygian Abyss and I All Got Was This Lousy Tunic.
Tenebella squeals.
Kat dashes forward.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
She stops in her tracks when she sees the uncharacteristically goofy grin on her face.
“Look!” Tenebella exclaims giddily. “A duck stuffy!”
“It’s, uh, it’s just a toy duck,” Kat notes.
“Do you not see his hat?” Tenebella asks.
“It’s a toy duck,” Kat repeats.
“But he’s wearing a hat! He thinks he’s people!” Tenebella exclaims.
She turns over her shoulder.
“Captain Ratsumies,” she calls to the leader of the Four Horsemen. “My coinpurse, please.”
“Hey-ho!” the Captain calls from the entrance of the shop.
There is a short pause as the Horsemen prepare to carry out their lady’s instructions.
“Horsemen!” Captain Ratsumies bellows.
“Hey-ho!”
“Dance of Paying on Credit!”
“Hey-ho!”
I’ve been writing about the Ginyu Force a lot lately at work, so I figured I was about due to write some more about Realmgard’s equivalent of the Ginyu Force…
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