Admittedly, the guards in these “Sneak into the Base” scenes have been really, really stupid. On the one hand, I always kinda exaggerate for humour — goofy, ineffectual minions are some of my favourite characters to write — and on the other hand, actually writing a coherent story is always secondary for these Daily Writing scenes.
And that gives me a lot of freedom to exaggerate even more. If one of these scenes ever makes it into a real story, I’d probably the guards a little less stupid, or at least have the heroes run into trouble in guards that aren’t nearly quite as stupid…
FYI: The Middelmerish West Oceanic Company is kinda-sorta based on the East India Company, and similar British chartered companies in general, but more for the sake of having a name to give the organisation in question.
I mean, it’s not inconceivable that Middlemere would establish a royally-chartered company to facilitate trade in Realmgard, though there are any number of reasons we don’t really need to get into here as to why it wouldn’t really function like any of the real British colonial trading companies…
Again, the important part of these short scenes is to get to 500 words.
“We have to get in there,” Matilda says.
“Yeah,” Annie agrees. “B-but I’m not really good at t-talking to strangers.”
“Don’t worry about it, Annie,” Matilda says. “We’ll go together.”
“Okay,” Annie says. “What’s the plan?”
“You basically work for the University, right?” Matilda says.
“I wouldn’t really say work, but, yeah, I guess,” Annie says.
“That’s good. We can use that,” Matilda muses. “Okay, so we go up to the guard and tell that we’re from the University because…”
“Because their base was constructed on the site of historical ruins and we need to survey before they can do any more renovations!” Annie says.
“Brilliant!” Matilda says. “Let’s go.”
“Hold on,” the guard says. “This is a private residence. No admittance, except on official business with the company of the Middelmerish Western Oceanic Company & Company.”
“Well,” Matilda says, barely having to pretend to be angry and indignant, “does the Middelmerish Western Oceanic Company & Company happen to know that their offices are built on a site of historical interest?”
“N-no,” the guard murmurs, rather taken aback by Matilda getting up in his business. “Well, I mean, I suppose to Viceroy might know, but if he does, he hasn’t told anybody.”
“Yeah,” Annie interjects, as ever, looking everywhere but at the face of the person she’s talking to. “And do you know what that means?”
“N-no,” the guard says again.
“It means,” Matilda says, somehow getting even more up in the guard’s business, “that we need to survey the whole place before you guys even think about thinking about renovating this building so you don’t smash up all the important historical bits that might be buried under the floorboards!”
“And you’d better let us in,” Annie says, both inspired by and trying to emulate Matilda’s relentless self-confidence and forward momentum, “of you’re in violation of the Statutes of Wintermorn, the Edict of Autumnseve, the Stern Suggestions of the First Day of Summer.”
She smiles sweetly up at the guard. Her gaze promptly flits away from his face.
“I could go on…”
The guard blinks in bemusement.
“What did you two say your names were?”
“Oh,” Matilda says, faltering slightly. “My name is, um, Professor Penelope P. Professor…sworth. And I am a, um, Professor in the University’s Department of Professor…ship.”
“Yeah!” Annie agrees. “You know, the Faculty of Education? She teaches people learning to be teachers!”
“Of course!” the guard says. “What an absolutely believable explanation!”
His brow creases suddenly and he turns to Annie.
“And who are you, little girl?”
“Um,” Annie says. “Um… Uh…”
“This,” Matilda says, putting her hand on Annie’s shoulder. “Is my Co-Professor. And her name is, um, Ann…drea. Namesford. And she is, in fact, thirty-two years old and quite the accomplished and twelve-thousand percent real and a genuine scholar.”
“I’m just really short,” Annie says. “I’m not actually a kid trying to sneak into your base, or something.”
“I’d be stupid not to take you are your word,” the guard says, standing aside to let Matilda and Annie inside.
“Man,” Matilda mutters once they’re in. “I wish you were my little sister.”
Just then, across Porthaven at the Lyte Public House, Addie, Rose, and Sally Lyte all sneeze.
Coming up with a fake Professor name for Matilda was hard, in part because “Professorson” and “Professorburg” are both already taken…
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