Salvage Thursday is a fairly important element of the next Realmgard story, Captain Goblinbeard — featuring, as you might expect, Captain Goblinbeard as a major character.
Basically, on the third Thursday of a month, the pirates of the Brotherhood of the Coasts are entitled to claim any salvage in the territorial waters of Porthaven and encouraged to fight it out with each other to do so. Essentially, it’s the Brotherhood’s war games and/or training exercise.
There’s a more detailed explanation of what it actually is in Captain Goblinbead. So, look forward to that, hopefully by Easter*.
[*Not a legally-binding statement.]
Also, Dunstana’s speech is at least vaguely inspired by George C. Scott-as-General Patton’s speech, which, as you might also expect, is from the movie Patton — for which Scott won the Academy Award for Best Actor, but declined to accept.
Copyright
J.B. Norman
Jimena dutifully blows her little whistle to get the Porthaven Raiders’ attention.
Dunstana climbs onto the overturned box at the ship’s helm.
“Okay, guys,” she says, looking down atop her box. “It’s Salvage Thursday.”
Salvage Thursday is the pirates of Porthaven’s time-honoured free-for-all mock combat fought over any and all salvage in the territorial waters of Porthaven present on the third Thursday of the month.
For many pirates, it is the highlight of the month.
“Yay!”
“And you’d all better do your best, or I’m gonna be really mad,” Dunstana says. “I’d probably kick you if you let me down.”
“Yay!”
“You, uh, you didn’t have to cheer that part,” Dunstana mutters.
“Anyway,” she tells the Raiders, “the important thing is that you need to remember that nobody ever won Salvage Thursday by getting the most salvage.”
“But, Captain, isn’t that the entire point of Salvage Thursday?” Jenkins asks.
“Shut up, Jenkins,” Stevens whispers, jabbing him with an elbow. “I think she’s building up to something.”
“Nobody ever won Salvage Thursday by getting the most salvage,” Dunstana repeats. “They won it by beating up the other pirates and taking their salvage.”
“Oh!” Jenkins exclaims in a sudden flash of realisation. “I understand!”
“But, like, especially today,” Dunstana notes. “I saw this ship that salvaged a really nice carpet. Carter, I think it would really tie your rumpus room together.”
“My wife was just saying we should get a new carpet for the rumpus room!” Carter exclaims happily.
“So,” Dunstana continues, “I want you to go out there and kick them and punch and maybe even bite them. And, Beasley, if you could do that where you grab a dude and then beat up some other dudes with him, that would be awesome.”
“I won’t let you down, Captain,” Beasley answers.
“And,” Dunstana continues, “when you reach over and get your hand on the other guy’s face, maybe honk his nose a couple times.”
“Um, really, Captain?” Jenkins asks. “What does that do?”
“Pfft,” Dunstana scoffs. “Nobody likes getting their nose honked, Jenkins.”
“Yeah, but —”
Stevens promptly reaches over and gives Jenkins’ nose a series of honks.
“See?” Stevens asks.
“Wow,” Jenkins mutters, rubbing his nose. “That really does work!”
“But, seriously,” Dunstana says, “maybe honk their nose a couple times, and then, while they’re distracted from getting nose-honked, Beasley can grab them and beat them other dudes with them.”
She grins broadly.
“You know, teamwork!”
“One more question, Captain,” Jenkins says.
“Yeah?”
“After we’re finished, you know, honking their noses and kicking them and watching Beasley beat up dudes with other dudes, and we’ve stolen all their salvage, can we get ice cream, Captain?”
“Yes,” Dunstana says. “Yes we can, Jenkins.”
She resolutely adjusts her hat and looks down at the Raiders.
“So this is it, guys. Get to work,” she concludes.
She grins up at Jimena.
“Pretty good speech, huh?” she asks.
“The rhetors of old bow to your word-smithery, Captain,” Jimena says.
Dunstana narrows her eyes at her first mate.
“Are you making fun of me, Jimena?” she asks. “Fine, be that way. I was going to steal you something cool for a birthday present, but now I guess I won’t.”
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