I’m still not sold on a way have the “pirate rats” pun come across in writing. Pi-rats looks to much like Pi the Math Constant and PiRATes just looks weird…
Copyright
J.B. Norman
“This is great!” Dunstana exclaims, watching the Wildering pirates scurry across the deck of the ship. “I’m the Captain and I’m, like, the tallest one here!”
Kat looks down at her sister.
“I’m the tallest pirate here,” Dunstana says.
“Whatever,” Kat says.
Dunstana was recently recruited as a temporary captain by a crew of Rat Wildering pirates to rescue their actual Captain from the clutches of a vicious renegade Cat Wildering pirate by the name of Marina Storm.
Kat is about 72% sure that’s not her real name…
“Question,” Dunstana asks the Rat pirates, “can any of you do that thing Beasley does where you grab a guy and then beat up some other guys with him?”
“Umm,” the Wilderling that seems to be in charge of the crew trying to get their Captain back. “No. We can’t do that. I mean, have you seen us? We’re rats. We’re not very big…”
“You’re bigger than a breadbox,” Dunstana offers.
“That is true,” the Rat pirate says.
“Hmm,” Dunstana says thoughtfully. “Of course, that means we can’t sneak inside the bad guys’ base hiding inside breadboxes.
“Unless they were bigger than average breadboxes!” one of the other Wilderling pirates notes.
“Or,” Dunstana continues, rubbing her chin. “We could do what I always do when I need a plan.”
“What’s that?” the Wildering pirate asks.
“I just let Kat think of the plan,” Dunstana notes.
The Rat Wilderlings look hopefully up at Kat, a few of thing trying to look especially pitiable by taking off their hats and restlessly fidgeting with them.
“What plan?” Kat asks. “We just sail up to their base, we kick down the door, we kick them, and then we get your Captain back.”
The Wilderling pirates huddle together and confer among themselves. Eventually they turn back to Kat and Dunstana.
“We accept your terms,” their self-appointed leader says.
Kat throws her hands up in disbelief.
“What terms?” she exclaims. “I’m not blackmailing you! I’m just telling you the best way to beat up the bad guys!”
“And we appreciate it,” the Wilderling pirate notes.
“Okay,” Dunstana says, stepping forward. “Let’s get going.”
She starts giving instructions to the Wildering pirates, though more than a few of those instructions amount to “Thing the thing. No, no, no. The other thing! Now you’re not thinging it right!” and then pantomiming the proper way to thing the things in question.
With the things thinged to Dunstana’s satisfaction, Kat, Dunstana and the Wildering pirates set sail.
“So,” Dunstana muses, “they’re Rats. And they’re pirates. I just thought of the perfect them for them.”
She grins up at Kat.
“Pirate Rats!”
“Keep workshopping it,” Kat mutters
Suddenly, Kat notices a strange sensation on her elbow. She reaches down to scratch. Her hand contacts something furry. She glances down. One of the Rat Wildering pirates looks sheepishly back up at her.
“Wait,” Kat says, narrowing her eyes. “Were you just gnawing on me?”
“Well,” the Wilderling pirate notes, “I am a rodent.”
Kat sighs and reaches into the pocket of her Adventuring Belt.
“You owe me a walnut,” she mutters.
Irrespective of how hard it is to make the joke land, I really like the idea of Dunstana hanging out with a bunch of Rat Pirates and I want to do a full story with this premise at some point.
Because, after all, who could forget dear Rat-Boy(s and girls… they’re open-minded like that)?
The rest of my writing exercises are here.
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