Copyright J.B. Norman
“Yarr, Mr. Tompkins,” Captain Goblinbeard says. “I’d be havin’ words with ye.”
“Oh,” the pirate chuckles nervously. “Um, hi, Captain Goblinbeard. Fancy meeting you here.”
Captain nods over his shoulder. “And this be me associate, Miss Billie Hawkins.”
The Half-Elf pirate standing behind the Goblin looks down gravely.
“And ye’ll be knowin’ why we’re here, Mr. Tompkins,” Goblinbeard says.
Tompkins chuckles nervously again.
“I haven’t the foggiest idea as to why you’d to talk to a humble and completely legitimate businessman who couldn’t possibly be found guilty in a court of law,” he stammers.
“Innocent, me left foot, Mr. Tompkins,” Goblinbeard says.
He grabs Tompkins by the collar.
“Now, Mr. Tompkins, ye’ll listen and listen good,” Goblinbeard growls. “Miss Hawkins’ parents woke up this mornin’ an’ — horror o’ horror — discovered that their crockery hatch had been ransacked and despoiled o’ their prized faience chickens.”
Tompkins chuckles once again.
“I fail to see how this involves me.”
“Don’t be coy now, Mr. Tompkins. There’s ne’er been a man east o’ the Gap o’ Valico who’s more in the know concernin’ faience chickens that Aristotle Maribelle Tompkins.”
The colour drains from Tompkins’ face, and for several reasons.
“How did you find out my middle name?” he squeaks.
“I has me ways, Mr. Tompkins,” Goblinbeard says.
“My parents loved those chickens,” Billie says, taking a menacing step forward. “I want to you tell my everything you know, and maybe we’ll forget we ever met. Or, you don’t cooperate, and I make the most of the Captain’s permission to inflict all kinds of violence not spoken of in polite company.”
She takes another step forward.
“Did you know, for example, that a swarm of Tanith Devourer Beetles can strip an ox carcass down to the bone in 45 minutes?” she asks. “I’ll leave it up to you to decide why that fact may or may not be relevant.”
“Ye’d best start talkin’, Mr. Tompkins,” Captain Goblinbeard urges.
“I didn’t steal your dang faience chickens!” Tompkins insists. “Not even the one with the little hat!”
“We didn’t mention that one o’ the faience chickens has a little hat,” Captain Goblinbeard notes.
“Eep,” Tompkins yelps.
“Start talking,” Billie says.
“I didn’t steal your chickens!” Tompkins says. “I didn’t lie about that, I swear.”
“I believe ye, Mr. Tompkins,” Goblinbeard says. “But ye’d best keep talking.”
“I don’t deal in stolen goods!” he says, before quietly adding, “Anymore.”
“Now ain’t that a lark? Since when?” Goblinbeard asks.
“Since a mean magical lady and a weird little girl who kept biting me came by to make me give back an antique Pelayan chess set,” Tompkins explains. “The magic one said she’d turn me into a newt and the girl said she’d keep biting me, even if I was a newt!”
“And the faience chickens?” Goblinbeard says.
“So, yeah,” Tompkins stammers. “I may know a guy who knows a guy who hired a guy to break into a few houses for another guy who’s got a real thing for faience chickens.”
“There. Were that so hard, Mr. Tompkins?” Goblinbeard asks.
“Of course it was! You grabbed me and threatened to feed me to weird bugs!”
We’ll be meeting Captain Goblinbeard (yes, that’s his real name) and Billie in a bit once we start Captain Goblinbeard. But if you’re impatient, you can always pick up a copy on Amazon or Smashwords:
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