Writing Every Day in March: Day 31

Completing the #SubLunarRealm hat trick.

So, I wanted Gwaedbran (incidentally, based on reading up more on Welsh, it should grammatically be Brangwaed, but this sounds and looks better) to ride something other than a horse.

Wolves seemed a little played-out. Incidentally, I’m shocked there isn’t a TV Tropes page for “people ride wolves”

And, for the record, boars are only slightly less played-out. I am, for example, aware that there’s a League of Legends character who rides a boar, but I wouldn’t have been to even guess at her name without looking her up. My experience with League of Legends is incredibly minimal.

Ultimately, I decided on “boar” largely on the basis of what made the best mental image to picture Dunstana riding.

Also, wild boars are legendary for the extent to which they don’t mess around. Traditional boar spears, for example have pronounced crossguards so that a wounded boar can’t keep charging up the spear and kill you.

Of all the weird things that have ever happened to Kat, having to play host to the ambassador of Lord Rhadamanthus the Grim to Porthaven and her five minions is probably solidly in the middle third.

Wheeeeeeeeeee!” Dunstana exclaims giddily as she thunders up and down the street on Gwaedbran’s trained battle boar, precariously angling a long lance to aim at the dummy Gwaedbran has set up for her to train her in the Way of the Battle Boar Rider — something Kat didn’t even know even was a Way.

“Very good, Dunstana,” Gwaedran says as Dunstana drives the lance home. “Only next time, try to aim for the liver.”

Dunstana nods and gives a thumbs-up. “Got it. Stab ‘em in the liver!”

Lately, Kat has noticed that the neighbours have been locking their doors and shuttering their windows a lot tighter and a lot more often. Not least of all because Dunstana has been riding around on a giant pig while a Witch-Princess has taken up residence at Darkstone Manor and her five minions camp out in the yard.

And those same, minions also regularly do things like adopt the Pose of Escort and dance the Dance of Embassy.

For their part, Kat’s parents have been bearing the whole thing with quiet good humour and only unspoken bemusement.

“Please inform your parents that these lodgings are acceptable,” Tenebella tells Kat. “I saw a blanket in the linen closet. I would like to have it in my room. As I recall, it was pink.”

“The one with the little ducks on it?” Kat asks.

“… Yes,” Tenebella murmurs.

“Okay,” Kat says. “They’re only blankets. Take as many as you need.”

“Thank you,” Tenebella says. “I shall entreat the uncanny gods of the Sublunar Realm to bestow benefit upon your household.”

Teneballa puts a cold, pale but carefully-manicured hand on Kat’s shoulder.

“And rest assured that for as long as I’m staying here, your home is under my father’s protection. Should anyone attempt to violate the dignity or safety of your home or your family, he shall bring down a swift and terrible vengeance.”

“Let me guess,” Kat offers, “something in the neighbourhood of ten thousand maledictions?”

Tenebella nod. “Or as many maledictions as may prove necessary.”

“Thank you?”

“My lady,” Captain Ratsumies says as he approaches, the leader of the five members of the Four Horsemen looking quite pleased with himself. “I am pleased to report that our rehearsal of the Dance of Gratitude are progressing well. Perhaps my lady will allow us to demonstrate our work so far.”

“That will not be necessary, Captain,” Tenebella says.

“Respectfully, my lady,” Captain Ratsumies says. “There is no need for such false modesty on our account. As always, the Four Horsemen of Castle Ansangaar would be pleased to dance for the honour of my lady.”

“Captain —” Tenebella begins.

“In fact, my lady, I would insist on it.”

Tenebella groans and turns to Kat. “They may be a while,” she says. “I am going to have a bath in the meantime.”

“Horsemen!” Captain Ratsumies bellows.

“Hey-ho!” the others answer.

Hey-ho!” calls Dunstana, not wanting to be left out. “Hey! This is fun!

And with that, I writ every day in March. And while that’s ending, a brand new Realmgard story is starting this week, right here —

Dunstana Darkstone grinning and giving a thumbs-up.

— on realmgard.com!

Recaps to follow,

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