So, like most Fantasy-oriented gamers, I’ve been playing a lot of Baldur’s Gate 3 since September.
I won’t bog you don’t too much with the details of the systems of Dungeons & Dragons in general or Baldur’s Gate specifically, suffice it to say that magic-oriented characters can eventually learn the Counterspell, um, spell.
Being capable of basically going full Dean Ambrose whenever the bad guys try to cast spells is both incredibly valuable from a gameplay perspective and also hilarious and/or cathartic to watch an evil wizard’s death-beam get told to sit down and shut up…
via the Milwaukee Bucks on giphy.
Also, learning that Lore Bards can also learn Counterspell was a moment…
Also also, this scene was largely inspired by the specific fact that it is, indeed, if only under fairly specific circumstances, possible to Counterspell Counterspell [cf. page 12]…
Also also also, this is more or less a follow-up to a scene I did earlier, itself a reference to WCW-era Hulk Hogan telling well-known Wrestling Journalist Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer to “Observe this, brother.”
With Kat laid up with a broken leg after tackling a burglar off the roof of the Civic Art Gallery of Porthaven, Dunstana has been travelling with the Lyte Brigade and Scarlet and helping on their adventures. She’d been trying to help Kat feel better, but Kat kept telling her how annoying she was being.
Which is, of course, ridiculous…
“There it is,” Nolan says. “The Footstool of Destruction.”
“That’s going to pair so excellently with the Carpet of Oblivion,” Tancred notes.
“Can anybody else taste like how Purple smells?” Pela asks suddenly.
“I can feel it too,” Falcata notes.
“It’s a magical disruption,” Scarlet notes. “Somebody’s casting a pretty powerful spell.”
“Be careful, everybody” Nolan says.
There’s a sudden flash of magic that coalesces into human form and interposes itself between the Lyte Brigade and the Footstool of Destruction.
“It is I,” the wizard exclaims, stepping out from the coagulation of magical energies.
“It’s you!” Dunstana says. “I remember you!”
“Yeah, me too,” Pela says. “Macaroni!”
The wizard glowers. “My name is Marcomannius. The. Observer.”
Pela rolls her eyes. “I still don’t see why you’re so mad at us. We didn’t name you after pasta!”
“Marcomannius!” the wizard screams. “My name is Marcomannius! It’s nothing at all like Macaroni, you boorish clods!”
“No,” Pela insists. “It’s a lot like Macaroni.”
Dunstana nods. “Yeah. Macaroni, Macromannius. You know, like, tomato, the other way to pronounce tomato.”
“Like Elbow Marcomannius,” Pela says.
“Marcomannius and Cheese,” Dunstana offers.
“Gluing a bunch of Marcomannius to a piece of paper to spell out I Love You, Mom,” Falcata muses.
The wizard shrieks in indignation and fury.
He lifts his hand and magical energy beings to swirl around it.
“You fools have asked for this! I will destroy you! I will blow you to bits, then blow those bits to other, smaller bits! I cast Fireball!”
“Eh, no you don’t.”
Scarlet waves her hand.
“Counterspell.”
“You dare?” Marcomannius cries. “You dare to duel in magic with me? Me, Macaroni the —”
“Heh,” Dunstana chuckles. “We’ve got him doing it.”
“Awesome,” Pela says, high-fiving the little pirate.
“I have you now!” Marcomannius cries again. “ I cast —”
“Eh, no you don’t.”
Scarlet waves her hand.
“I cast Fireball,” Scarlet says.
“I Counterspell!” Macromannius says. “And now, I cast Fireball!”
“I Counterspell,” Scarlet says.
“Just as I planned, you fool! I Counterspell your Counterspell!”
“No,” Matilda interjects. “You don’t.”
She waves her hand.
“I Counterspell your Counterspell of Scarlet’s Counterspell,” she says.
“What?”
“I cast Grease,” Amara interjects suddenly.
“And now,” Matilda says. “I cast Fireball.”
“What?”
BLAM!
“Cool,” Dunstana says.
She steps forward.
“Hey,” she tells the still-smouldering wizard. “Observe this.”
She draws her cork gun.
“I cast I shoot you in the face.”
She pulls the trigger, sending a cork straight into Marcomannius’ face.
“Man,” she says. “That stool is going to look so good in your Guild office, guys.”
She grins broadly.
“I liked the part where we called him Macaroni.”
“My name,” the Wizard groans, face-down into the ground. “is Macromannius. The Observer.”
Now, for what it’s worth, I’ve never actually established that magical people in Realmgard need to say “I cast [Spell]” to cast a spell, but having them do so for this scene probably helped make it easier to follow the narrative.
Epilogue of The Valley of Appraisal going live tomorrow.
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