We’ve previously established that 1) Howard R. Morton is on one of Realmgard’s major authors of Fantasy stories and 2) Amara is inwardly a colossal nerd who is his biggest fan. Also, Tenebella’s character gimmick, so to speak, is that she’s a fairly typical Fantasy Dark Lord(‘s daughter), so I like the incongruity of her also being a colossal nerd.
Howard R. Morton is based on Robert E. Howard and Krimson Katja is either Red Sonja (who is not, in fact, originally a Howard character, though tangentially based on a character of Howard’s named Red Sonya) or even just more straightforwardly Female Conan. This is probably the first time I’ve actually demonstrated what Krimson Katja stories are actually like.
So, far, I’m basically channeling the epigraph at the start of the very first Conan story, The Phoenix on the Sword, which basically sets the stage for Conan’s world, and which was famously paraphrased at the start of the 1982 movie:
Know, o prince, that between the years when the oceans drank Atlantis and the gleaming cities, and the years of the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars – Nemedia, Ophir, Brythunia, Hyperborea, Zamora with its dark-haired women and towers of spider-haunted mystery, Zingara with its chivalry, Koth that bordered the pastoral lands of Shem, Stygia with its shadow-guarded tombs, Hyrkania whose riders wore steel and silk and gold.
But the proudest kingdom of the world was Aquilonia, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came Conan, the Cimmerian; black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand, a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melancholies and gigantic mirth, to tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth under his sandaled feet.
I’ve been thinking about posting a Krimson Katja story with the approach of “this is the in-universe story that Howard R. Morton wrote” at some point, so today is basically practice for working out what that would actually look like, since Robert E. Howard has a very distinctive style, which is hard to replicate (at least competently) and I anticipate will be especially hard to modify for what is supposed to be basically a PG-rated fictional world.
Eh. Well, I’ve always liked a challenge…
Copyright
J.B. Norman
“No offence, Amara,” Kat says, “but that’s a terrible Krimson Katja costume. You’re wearing way too many clothes and your hair’s not even red.”
“Hush, Katherine,” Amara chides. “This isn’t a Krimson Katja costume.”
“Miss Amara is obviously dressed as Rhiannon the Raven,” Tenebella notes from Kat’s other side. “She was Krimson Katja’s ally in The Fiends of the Forest.”
“Yes, exactly!” Amara exclaims happily. “I’m glad it’s obvious to someone.”
She gives Kat a silently judgemental side-eye.
“It’s also a pleasure to meet another true aficionado of Krimson Katja,” Tenebella replies.
Great, Kat thinks to herself with a weary sigh, now there’s two of them.
“Shall we?” Amara-the-Rhiannon-the-Raven asks, gesturing to the door of the library where Howard R. Morton, one of Realmgard’s finest spinner of adventure yarns, will be giving a rare public reading.
Kat would be perfectly content to sit out of sight and out of mind somewhere in the back rows, and maybe catch a quick nap. Though thanks to being all but held hostage by two of the most obsessive Krimson Katja fans in Realmgard, that quickly proves not to be an option.
Amara grabs one of Kat’s arms and Tenebella grabs the other
“Hey,” somebody calls from behind. “Down in front!”
“I am down,” the tall, wiry and truly bemused Kat calls back.
Howard R. Morton takes the stage and an awed hush falls over the library — deeper even than the typical hush present in a library. He opens his book and begins to speak:
“Hearken, O ye mighty ones, and recall the days long ago, the age half-remembered and veiled by the mists of time, when the world was young and lands now lost, drowned by the sea or buried in the sands of time and lost to the memory of mankind, waxed mighty under the dome of stars.
“Adme there was, of ancient splendours, Vulturnus, Xanthus, Kladeos, and Alisanos, Kirthan of a thousand horsemen, Eurotas with its ranks of bronze, Tesalia the land of sorceries, Rumen the ever-victorious.
“Out the stark and snowy North came Krimson Katja, the dauntless warrior woman, and before her lay the hundred glorious kingdoms of this age that ways. South she turned her gaze and south she strode for fortune and glory, till at last her name resounded through all the corners of the world and the legend of Krimson Katja should live for all the long ages of the world.”
Howard R. Morton pauses, takes a breath and turns the page.
“Night lay over Xiphos, a red moon over the great domes and spires of the city. A council of six met in the night for sinister purpose.”
On Kat’s left, Amara is eagerly bouncing in her seat, silently mouthing the words to follow along as Howard R. Morton reads.
Kat glances over to her other side, where Tenebella is excitedly clinging to her arm and attentively leaning forward to listen to Howard R. Morton in rapt awe.
Kat just doesn’t get it…
Well, she thinks to herself, at least they’re enjoying themselves.
Considering I was basically just riffing her and going completely off the top of my head, I think I did alright. with the Pulpy, Verbose Robert E. Howard style. There’ definitely room more improvement — and more uses of words like “eldritch” and “stygian” — but that’s a completely different exercise than what I was trying to do here.
FYI: most of those place names are either ancient names for real places (Adme is earliest record name for Edessa), various geography-related minor deities (Xanthus is the river Achilles beat up in the Iliad), or Greco-Roman objects (a xiphos is a kind of sword).
The rest of my Spring 2024 writing exercises are here.
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