Realmgard Short Scenes: Potions, Rhymes & at least one thing that rhymes with “Orange”

“It’s a disaster! I speak only in rhyme!”

“Scarlet,” Dunstana cries, barging into Scarlet’s office at the University of Porthaven’s Department of Magicology. “Help!”

This is, on the whole, a fairly common experience for Scarlet, so she calmly looks up her her desk and approaches the Sisters Darkstone.

“I think Kat’s broken!” Dunstana says.

“And why do you think that?” Scarlet asks.

“Just look!” Dunstana exclaims. “Or, actually, listen!”

“It’s a disaster! I speak only in rhyme,” Kat says, throwing her hands up in exasperation, “because Dunstana drenched me in magical slime!”

“It really was more of a liquid,” Dunstana says.

Her eyes go wide, then desperately begin shifting side to side, as she catches herself.

“I mean, um, it was an accident!” she says.

“So,” Scarlet says, crossing her arms over her chest, “am I to understand that Kat had some kind of Rhyming Potion spilled on her?”

“Maybe…” Dunstana mutters. “But if that is what happened, it was self-defence. That shelf of potions came at me!”

“Oh, Scarlet! Scarlet my friend,” Kat says. “You really must help me! I’m at my wits’ end!”

“Wow,” Scarlet mutters. “the technique for brewing Rhyming Potions was purely hypothetical before now. This is a major Magicological milestone. Whoever brewed this potion should be winning awards!”

“Why, that’s no help! No help at all!” Kat cries. “Hurry and fix this. Fix it now, y’all!”

“Y’all?” Scarlet repeats incredulously. “Hmm. Maybe the technique isn’t quite there yet.”

Kat shrugs.

“I said what I said,” Kat explains. “I said it without choice. Thanks to the potion, I don’t have full control of my voice.”

“Fascinating,” Scarlet says. “If you weren’t my friend, I’d want to study this until the potion wears off.”

“You can’t just stand by. Seriously, Scarlet, I’m going to die,” Kat says.

“Don’t be such a drama queen, Kitty-Kat,” Scarlet says. “Rhyming’s not so bad. Though I understand that you’re really quite sad.”

She frowns.

“Hmm,” she mutters to herself. “Was that on purpose? Or are the effects of the potion contagious? Or is it just a psychosomatic effect? Fascinating.”

She thoughtfully rubs her chin.

“Let’s see: orange, purple, marathon,” she says to herself. “Nope. Nothing. Just a slip of the tongue, I guess.”

She turns back to Kat.

“You say there’s no rhyme for orange,” Kat notes, gravely watching Scarlet. “But what of His Eminence, the Marquess de Floringe?”

“Pfft,” Dunstana scoffs. “There’s no way that’s a real guy.”

“Touché, Kitty-Kat,” Scarlet says.

She looks thoughtfully at Kat.

“Okay, Kitty-Kat,” she says. “I’m sure I can get you fixed right up. It’s simply a matter of neutralising the active ingredients in the Rhyming Potion.”

“Hurry up, Scarlet!” Kat urges. “Do it right now! Fulfil your vow!”

“I mean, I didn’t really vow to do anything,” Scarlet notes. “But, yeah, of course I’ll help. I’ve got this, Kitty-Kat.”

Scarlet begins to move around her office, piling the necessary supplies and relevant books on her desk.2

“Now, Kitty-Kat,” she says. “First things first, I’m going to need to magically analyse your blood. Hold still, this will only hurt for a minute.”


Scarlet makes her fist appearance in The Valley of Appraisal. The Valley of Appraisal is available on Amazon and Smashwords & affiliated retailers:

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