Like I said yesterday, I really wanted to use the phrase “Battle of Battle Field” somewhere. On the other hand, I don’t think I had a clear enough premise to make a particularly good story out of — a phrase as bizarrely and ridiculously redundant as “he Battle of Battle Field Battlefield Memorial Monument Memorial Field” probably works better as a quick gag than a full story.
Copyright J.B. Norman
Kat and Dunstana stand before the Battle of Battle Field Battlefield Memorial Monument Memorial Field, laid out several years ago the commemorate the monument previously raised to commemorate the battle of Battle Field and subsequently lost to a particularly fierce windstorm.
The Battle of Battle Field was fought several generations between the armies of Porthaven and Goldharbour after a trade dispute spiralled out of control. The battle itself was largely inconclusive. At the end of the first day of the battle, the local farmer Theodoric Battle, the namesake of the field in question, emerged from his root cellar where he’d been sheltering and berated both sides for making a mess of his farmland, thereby becoming the battle’s only real winner after the two warring sides slunk home in shame after being yelled at.
Kat looks around and finds herself underwhelmed by her surroundings. For something that’s supposed to be a heartfelt tribute to a beloved piece of art, the Battle of Battle Field Battlefield Memorial Monument Memorial Field really is just a span of wide-open ground. There’s not much to see other than the Memorial Monument Memorial. No trees, no shade, no impressive rocks, no benches to sit on and quietly contemplate things.
Dunstana sniffles. “That poor monument. It was too good for this world.”
Whereas the original monument was a statue depicting the goddess Pherais in triumph, the memorial to the original monument depicts the burghers of Porthaven mourning the fall of their beloved monument in meticulously carved bas-relief. Notably, the Memorial Field is actually located a fair distance away from the actual Battle of Battle Field battlefield and the location the original monument was raised.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Kat tells her sister. “They rebuilt the original monument. I can’t believe I let you pull me off the couch for this.”
The original statue of Pherais was rebuilt and relocated to the Porthaven Dock District to be housed in its own purpose-built building to keep it safely sheltered from any subsequent windstorms.
The new shrine for the monument was deliberately, and rather passive-aggressively, built just across the street from the building housing the Goldharbour diplomatic mission to Porthaven. As a result of neither side really being able to claim victory in the original battle at the time, both cities have continued to do what they can to insist that they had won, thank you very much.
“I know,” Dunstana says. “But I just really wanted to be sad and say that something was too good for this world. Mission accomplished, I guess.”
She shrugs and looks up at Kat.
“I’m hungry,” she declares.
“Yeah,” Kat agrees. “Me too.”
Luckily for them, the Battle of Battle Field Battlefield Memorial Monument Memorial Field is just a short walk about from the Battle of Battle Field Battlefield Memorial Monument Memorial Field Bar and Grill, one of the most popular spots with the city’s appreciators of monuments built to commemorate the loss of other monuments, which have proven surprisingly common ever since the Great Monument Fire of ‘76.
I haven’t put much thought into how the Realmgardian calendar actually works, so I’m not entirely clear on what exactly ’76 is supposed to mean. I just think it sounded good at the end of that line.
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