Writing Every Day in August: Day 30

Because, you see, it’s funny because they’re getting hurt and they’re not me.

At this point, “Morgan Cowl” is a pretty throwaway reference to Realmgard’s version of Robin Hood. I’m not entirely satisfied with the name and if I never properly establish the Robin Hood-esque figure into the lore of Realmgard, I’m going

Right so, a cowl is a kind of hood, and Morgan is a unisex name in the vein of “Robin.” Incidentally, in Fire Emblem Awakening since both your character and your character’s kid didn’t have pre-set genders (you picked whether to play as a man or a woman, and your kid was the opposite gender), they canonically have unisex names. Your character is Robin and your kid is Morgan.

In this case “Morgan” to “Robin” isn’t a deliberate reference, though I’m a big enough Fire Emblem fan to be well aware of said reference. Robin Hood’s name was Robin long before I came around and Morgan was the first unisex name I found appealing on the lists I was looking at.



“Brain Chop!” says Dunstana.

She pulls herself up to lean most of the way over the plaid couch, where Kat is unsuspectingly lounging. Her hand comes down on top of Kat’s skull.

“Ow!” says Kat. “What the heck, Dunstana!”

“Oh, sorry, Kat,” Dunstana says. “Niamh’s teaching me to Brain Chop people.”

“Why?”

Dunstana shrugs. “I dunno. What else am I going to chop?”

“It’s a powerful incapacitating technique,” the green stranger explains. “Never know when that kind of thing is going to come in handy.”

“Yeah!” Dunstana agrees.

“Who are you and why are you teaching my sister to Brain Chop me?” Kat asks hotly.

“I’m Niamh,” the green woman explains. “I’m, like, a Professional Thing-Get-Backer for Hire.”

“Huh?” Kat asks. Maybe it’s the Brain Chops talking, but she doesn’t understand what that means.

“I’m a thief,” the green woman explains. “But I only ever steal things back from people who stole them from their rightful owners in the first place.”

“Oh!” Dunstana exclaims. “Like Morgan Cowl!”

The green woman sighs. “Yeah. Like Morgan Cowl,” she mutters.

She indignantly crosses her arms over her chest.

“But I came up with the idea on my own!”

“Brain Chop!” Dunstana declares once again.

Once again, the knife’s edge of her hand comes crashing down on Kat’s skull.

“Stop doing that!” Kat exclaims.

“Oh, sorry Kat,” Dunstana says, not actually sounding all that sorry. “It should be working.”

“Wait,” Kat notes. “Are you sorry for Brain Chopping me, or just sorry that it’s not working?”

Dunstana’s eyes uneasily shift side to side. She clears her throat and looks up at Niamh. “It’s not working!”

Niamh nods sympathetically. “You just need to work on your form,” she says. “You need to flick your wrist a little more. Like this — Brain Chop!”

“Ow!” says Kat.

“Hmm,” Niamh says thoughtfully. “You should have lost consciousness by now. This has never happened before. Usually it’s just Brain Chop and WHAM — unconscious!”

Kat does not find that particularly reassuring.

“Let me try again,” Dunstana says.

“Dunstana,” Kat warns, “don’t you da—

“Brain Chop!”

“Ow!”

“What if we both do it at the same time?” Dunstana offers.

“Do not even think abou—

“Brain Chop!” Dunstana and Niamh declare in one voice.

Ow!

“I don’t think it worked,” Dunstana nods.

“Stop Brain Chopping me!” Kat yells.

“But we need to practice!” Dunstana protests.

“Honestly,” Niamh notes. “At this point, I’m just fascinated that you seem to be immune to being Brain Chopped. I’ve never seen anything like this before. You must have a most remarkable skull.”

Again, maybe it’s just the repeated Brain Chopping catching up with her, but Kat thinks that’s supposed to be a compliment. Even though it doesn’t really sound all that complimentary.

Kat groans. “Ugh. You come into my house. You interrupt my between-naps nap. You teach my sister to Brain Chop me. You start Brain Chopping me. This is ridicu—

Once final time, Dunstana hauls herself up and over the back of the couch and poises her hand to strike.

“Brain Chop!” she cries.

OW!

“Sorry,” Dustana mutters, “I thought I had it this time.”



Now, I don’t think I’m actually trying to establish that Kat has some kind of markedly Brain Chop-proof head.

Mostly, though, I just thought it would be funny if the Brain Chops doesn’t didn’t work. Also, Slapstick is peak comedy.

Because, you see, it’s funny because they’re getting hurt and they’re not me.

One day left in August, but still plenty of reasons to follow me:

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