Admittedly, I’m not sure the context for why Billie and Pela would be teaming up in the first place. Though I will say that “Roast Duck Delivery Girls” sounds to me kinda like an 80s-era Japanese women’s Wrestling tag team in the vein of “Jumping Bomb Angels…”
Or maybe that’s just the way my brain works based on the fact that my mind tends to go to Wrestling anyway and the “Girls” part reminds of the fact that Kairi and Asuka wanted to be the Kabuki Girls instead of the Kabuki Warriors…
Ahem.
Copyright J.B. Norman
“We have to get in there,” Pela says.
Billie nods.
“Yeah. Captain Goblinbeard is furious that Jehan-Picard Souricier stole his novel manuscript.”
“Mom liked his draft, by the way,” Pela notes. “But she thought the romance arc felt a little forced.”
“I’ll pass that along to the Captain,” Billie notes.
“Okay,” Pela declares. “I have a plan. I think.”
She strides towards the door.
“Hi,” Pela says, staring up at the two pirates guarding the door.
“Are you lost, little girl?” one of the pirates asks.
“I’m nineteen years old!” Pela cries. “I’m not a kid, I’m just short!”
She catches herself and bashfully clears through throat.
“I mean, um,” she stammers. “Hi. It’s just the, oh, the, um, Roast Duck Delivery Girls!”
“We didn’t order a roast duck,” one of the pirates notes.
“And you don’t even have a roast duck,” the other adds.
“…Yeah,” Pela admits. “You see, the thing is that we, um, came to make sure that you guys didn’t order a roast duck.”
One of pirates squint sceptically down at Pela.
“I don’t follow.”
“Because, you see,” Billie ventures, stepping forward, “as the finest Roast Duck Delivery Girls in Porthaven…”
“We, uh,” Pela says quickly, turning herself away and quickly scrawling some words on a scrap of paper in her jacket. “We have a coupon!”
She turns back to the two pirates.
“See?”
She flashes a smile that she hopes is convincing at holds up the paper, on which she has hastily written 12000% Genuine Roast Duck Coupon.
“Which,” Billie adds, “we’re going to give you because we’ve now confirmed that you did not, in fact, order a roast duck.”
“But now you can!” Pela says.
“I see,” the pirate mutters.
“But first, we need to inspect your dining room,” Billie says, “because…”
“Eating a roast duck is a very precise science,” Pela interjects.
“It is?” the thoroughly bemused pirate asks.
“We will not be held legally responsible if any of your pirates neglects to chew thoroughly and experiences any choking-related injury,” Billie concludes.
“Makes sense,” the pirate concedes.
“So,” Pela offers, “here’s your coupon and we’ll just go inside and check out that you’re set up to properly eat your roast duck, shall we?”
“And you can expect your duck in, um, two to four business days,” Billie adds.
Murmuring a stream of gratitudes and thank-yous, Pela and Billie duck into the door.
“I don’t even like duck,” the pirate tells his companion.
“And I have serious misgivings about their business model,” the other says. “How do they turn a profit if they’re just handing out free roast ducks?”
“Well, what else would the Roast Duck Delivery Girls be delivering? Ducks is their job, innit?”
“I guess.”
“Wow,” Billie mutters, sighing in relief and slumping against the door once it’s shut behind them. “I cannot believe that actually worked.”
“So,” Pela says thoughtfully, “we don’t actually have to deliver them a roast duck now, do we?”
“No, Pela,” Billie replies.
“I just feel a little bad about lying to them, is all,” Pela admits. “Besides, my dad does a great roast duck.”
Incidentally, I’ve had Peking Duck. S’alright, I guess. But it is one of those things that I’m glad I tried so I can say I’ve done it once.
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