Pro Wrestler Danhausen debuted in WWE earlier this year and has gone on to become one of the most popular acts in the company, due to basically being a walking meme.

You may know him as the guy who recently cursed and then uncursed the New York Knicks and also cursed the Carolina Hurricanes.

His gimmick is a bit hard to explain – and pretty hard to explain why it works just by telling rather than showing. I’d describe him as a So-Bad-It’s-Good low-budget Late Night Horror Host from a local TV station who somehow actually has magic powers, wrapped in about 17 layers of self-aware meta humour.

Danhausen himself as described the gimmick as “Conan O’Brien possessed by a demon.”

Circling back to the “hard to explain” thing, here’s 18 minutes of Danhausen in action:

All of which is to say, I was inspired to write a scene about a weird guy weirdly cursing people.

And, FYI, that’s “Dom” like “Portuguese for my lord” and not like “short for Dominic.”

© J.B. Norman — Published by Emona Literary Services™

With the Orb of Cursemodias on loan from the treasure room of Castle Ansangaar, Dom Hortensio has been freely flinging curses at the evil cultists that Kat, Prima, and Vera have somehow managed to get mad at them.

Why is it always an evil cult, Kat wonders.

Dom Hortensio is, Kat decides from the shelter of the table she’s decided to hide behind, a strange little man – and not just because he seems far too eager to start flinging curses at people.

“Cursed!” he declares, pointing a menacing finger at one of the cultists as the Orb flashes.

“Hmm,” Tenebella says thoughtfully. “His form is excellent. The delicate percision with which he casts the curse spells.”

Tenebella is standing beside Kat, looming over her, utterly unafraid of the magic being flung around the tavern as Kat ducks behind the table and Tenbella very much doesn’t.

Dom Hortensio’s finger moves on to the next target.

“Cursed!”

And so it goes:

“Cursed! Cursed! Also cursed! Double-cursed!”

“Double-cursed?” the cultist cries, flinging his hands up in disbelief. “What? Why? What did I do?”

“You made me mad,” Dom Hortensio notes.

“But I didn’t even do anything!” I cultist continues. “I—”

And he suddenly trips on a banana peel that Kat doesn’t remember being there before.

Dom Hortensio’s curses seem to be working. In addition to the mysterious banana peel, as soon as Vera splashes one of the cultists with a glass of water, he loses his footing, careens into one of the tables, goes tumbling over the table as it flips, and crashes right through the nearest window.

“Prima!” Vera calls across the tavern, snatching up any glass of water within reach and splashing their pursuers with it. “I’ve finally figured it out!”

“Do I want to know?” Prima mutters.

“I know why splashing the bad guys has never worked before!” Vera continues eagerly.

“Because it’s just water?” Prima offers.

“Because we didn’t curse them first, duh!”

“Ugh,” says Prima.

“Ugh,” says Kat, ducking down further behind her table.

Kat cautiously peers up from the rim of the table.

“You,” Dom Hortensio declares, catching Kat’s gaze before she can duck back down.

“WaitWaitWait,” Kat says hastily.

“You,” Dom Hortensio says again. “Are…”

“I’m on your side!” Kat cries.

“…Enchanted!”

He points at Kat. The Orb flashes.

“Wait,” Kat mutters, “that’s a good thing, right?”

Maybe it’s the magic. Or maybe Kat really is just that gullible. But, either way, Kat is feeling pretty good about herself. She vaults over her table and goes after the closest cultist.

“You…” she tells the cultist.

His eyes go wide.

“…are…”

She raises her fist.

“…punched!”

“We really must teach her more magic,” Tenebella says to no-one in particular. “Her insistence on just punching people is quite unseemly and crude.”

“Quite unseemly indeed, my lady,” Dom Hortensio agrees.

As he and Tenebella watch and silently judge Kat, one of the cultists has snatched up the closest available weapon – a crusty loaf of bread – and is sneaking up on Dom Hortensio in hopes of walloping him with it.

Dom Hortensio points over his shoulder without even looking at the approaching cultist.

“Ultra-cursed!”

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