If you’ve been following me, right here, on realmgard.com—
— at pretty much any point since October 10, 2024, you’re probably aware that I run my own business:
Incidentally, you need an editor, I know a guy…
All of which is to say, I have chosen for my business’ colour scheme pink, black, and white.
I have subsequently been told not to use pink, black, and white as my business’ colour scheme. Which, honestly, is just making me want to keep using pink, black, and white as my business’ colour scheme.
If it’s good enough for Bret Hart, it’s good enough for Emona Literary Services™ — and I think we’ve pretty conclusively established that I look great in pink, by the way.
© J.B. Norman — Published by Emona Literary Services™
“Behold,” Captain Ratsumies declares to the committee of the Porthaven Armorial Soceity. “M’lady’s provisional coat of arms, presented for your consideration.”
He unfurls the large canvas, upon which the Four Horsemen of Castle Ansangaar have, under Tenebella’s supervision, drawn a coat of arms to represent her in her capacity as the ambassador of Castle Ansangaar to the Free Mercantile City of Porthaven.
“First,” Captain Ratsumies says, using with his little pointing-stick. “We see the—”
“It’s pink,” one of the committee members interrupts.
“Indeed. If you would cease with the interruptions, I would be able to explain that it is a homage to one of my m’lady’s noble ancestors,” Captain Ratsumies explains.
“Pink is a terrible colour for a coat of arms.”
“As I was saying,” Captain Ratsumies says, emphasising his words to interrupt the unwelcome – and entirely inaccurate – interruption. “It is a homage to one of my m’lady’s noble ancestors, the great Assassin-King Boanerges the Heart-Taker. Who, despite feeble protestations to the contrary, struck fear into the hearts of countless foes with a suit of bright pink armour. And who, of course, famously wrestled with the Stone King Stephanos of the Chill Heart for nine days and nine nights, holding him in an excruciating leglock for seven of those days and nights.”
“I don’t know who that is. But, also, it’s pink. No-one is going to be impressed by a pink coat of arms.”
“Respectfully,” Captain Ratsumies continues, wishing he had his axe right about now. “If pink is good enough for the great Assassin-King Boanerges the Heart-Taker, it is good enough for m’lady. And, if I may say, it complements her complexion quite well. It really does bring out the eldritch light smoldering in her gaze.”
“Did you see the dragon?” Secutor asks, pointing to the canvas. “That’s pretty cool, right?”
The committee member shrugs non-committally.
“I like the dragon,” another member of the committee offers.
“Pink is the worst colour,” the first member says.
“You’re the worst colour,” Secutor mutters.
Gwaedbran takes a step forward. “You know, we’re really only here as a formality and a courtesy. Lady Tenebella is well within her rights to simply adopt whatever design she wants as her coat of arms. She simply wanted to be polite and indulge your little committee.”
“Terrible and imperious as she may be, m’lady is not one to comport herself in the manner of a tyrant,” Captain Ratsumies says.
“Well, it’s pink. And I don’t like it! And therefore, nobody should like it!”
Captain Ratsumies nods gravely.
“He’s getting that look again,” Secutor mutters.
“Yeah,” Dimachaerus agrees. “This is, what, the fifth set of bureaucrats he’s gone after so far?”
“It’s certainly been a week,” Secutor sighs.
Dimachaerus shrugs. “Eh. They’ve had it coming. They’ve all been jerks to Lady Tenebella.”
“Well, maybe they just to get to know her better. Then they wouldn’t have to get to know the Captain’s axe, instead…”
Captain Ratsumies glances over his shoulder.
“Ralph, be a good man and fetch my axe, would you?”
Incidentally, not only did Bret Hart go onto to become Canada’s most famous Pro Wrestler – and one of the most decorated, period – he did it wearing bright pink tights.
As we see here:
And, with that, I have written every day in June. Stand by for recap posts.
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